this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
