but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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