She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
