OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
