did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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