DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
do herpes really smell.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He better not be in your backpack
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
