Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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