what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
