i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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