Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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