He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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