I bet he comes in French.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
