The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
