six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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