We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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