they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
