I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
