I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
