How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
