He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Randomize
