I didn't shave. On purpose
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
