my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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