The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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