god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
oh god the rape fog is back!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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