So drunk its hurt
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
