I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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