were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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