Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
