Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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