You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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