If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
