please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
