I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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