I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
