So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize