He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
