Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
