I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Everclear isn't food dammit
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
