I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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