sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
