dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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