if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
