I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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