try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
