home. puking in laundry basket.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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