Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
