Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
