If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
