You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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