I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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