Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
