So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
