If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
