At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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