Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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