I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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