Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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