Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
