if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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