im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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