we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
