Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
