By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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