WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
