Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
