I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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