I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
