I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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