I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
