no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Two words: blizzard sex
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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