im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
