I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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