I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
one might say we're banned from that church
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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