i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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