so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
