guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
