whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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