just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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