i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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