Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
