She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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