we have pet lesbian snakes
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
