Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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