I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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