she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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