did you get engaged???
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
