So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize