OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
