Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I can't trust your balls anymore.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
