and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
God, you're like boner-b-gone
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
