I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
